Part 15: Snake's Revenge Part Three: Bad Game Design's Revenge

Snake's Revenge Part Three: Bad Game Design's Revenge

Alright, last time on Snake's Revenge, we got on a boat, did a bunch of shit, blew up the boat, and then took a helicopter back to the place we were supposed to be infiltrating.

There were a bunch of Metal Gears on the boat, but nobody said anything about them so I guess they weren't really important.


Here we are, in a field. We get a call in this area, but there's a problem:


Just like when the enemy was jamming our comms in Metal Gear, nobody can call in. I can't really complain about this, it's not so bad.


This area is full of mines, though, so I equip the trusty "detect mines".


See the reticle on this shot? That's the area that mines are being detected in. Not as useful as the mine detector from Metal Gear, but it's not too much of a hassle.

That's the best you'll get from Snake's Revenge, by the way. "Not too much of a hassle."


See? We can detect mines if they're directly in front of Snake. Of course, unless you're using a walkthrough or something, you're going to end up eating a landmine first time through.


There are some sandbags and ruined walls here. No enemies, though, which is nice.


A couple screens into the area, we find a battery and some more grenades.


It's actually a dry cell, sorry. This works the same way as the antenna in Metal Gear.


Running back to the place we got the call earlier, Chopper Pilot tells us this. I guess we're looking for a secret entrance. Nobody's going to tell us what it's an entrance to, though.


In another room, we find R/C Missiles and more rations. Who keeps their missiles right next to their food? That's just asking for trouble.


R/C Missiles are the same weapon as they always are. Slow and deliberate, only to be used when behind cover. Snake's Revenge doesn't really understand this concept, so your best bet is to get in close and shoot straight whenever you need to use them.


Okay, man, whatever you say.





Other things in the area: mines. Somebody on the staff for this game looked at the deserts in Metal Gear and said "that was the best part of the game. The only thing better would be if you had to go really slowly."

Nobody on the staff looked at Metal Gear and saw the things that made the gameplay work.


In case you're confused about how to progress, you need to use the R/C missiles you got.


With them, you can blow up the stacks of sandbags. Under those stacks are men who also have R/C missiles. R/C missiles are pretty broken when Snake has them. When enemies have them, you're at a disadvantage and there's no way to use them properly.


Killing the man who was waiting in the ground with R/C missiles collapses his foxhole in on him. The next part of Snake's Revenge is looking for one of those holes that doesn't collapse.

Hope you have a walkthrough!


This is the hole you want. What's down there?


A sidescroller!

Let's talk about stealth for a second. Sneaking is timing-based. You have to wait for openings, make sure you're unseen, time your attacks carefully. Sidescrollers are a fast-paced construction. You go straight right, don't have a lot of awareness of your environment ahead of time, and can't go around corners to hide.

Do you see the conflict there?



After the sidescroller is an elevator, which we take back up to the surface. I sort of wish I'd run a tally of how many elevators we'd seen in this thread.


This is what's on the other side of the tunnel. Why are there so many wrecked walls in this place?


We're also getting a call from John! Why would he have his radio if he's captured? Don't we have a job to do that doesn't involve rescuing John? Also, how are we supposed to find the train?


Oh, nevermind.


Kill the guards, hop on, and the train starts rolling. One thing that Snake's Revenge does right is that it doesn't involve too much backtracking.


I think this is the music from the train and not the ship (which is where I linked it before). Mea culpa.


Also, John is calling us. Why would the enemy booby-trap their transport train, anyway? Wouldn't it just be more likely to kill their own men?


Also, John lied. The train has a bunch of traps in it. One of them turns the train's hardwood floors into cheese graters. If you step on them, you get hurt.

And that's really all there is to say about that.


More traps. Unlike other games that have traps, in Snake's Revenge you're going to take damage from traps. These open in a fixed order (I think) but that order tends to involve them opening right in front of you, and there's not enough room to get around that.

This ends up wasting your rations and would only be effective at killing whoever was already in the train.


The coupling between cars is one of the shaky bridges from the roof in Metal Gear. Step off the side and you die. Normally, I'd think Snake would be able to do an action hero roll and survive this, but the train is in the void of space.


Second car of the train. The train is essentially a trap-filled hallway punctuated by couplings.


John says this like we would be able to do something about it if there were. The train doesn't give you the room to sneak in.


Also in the second car, we find this guy. He has claymore mines and a lot of health. So he must be guarding something good, right?

Nope, fuck you.


You can find ammo in the next room. Bullets are always useful, yeah?


Well, you're in for a surprise the first time you try to get them, because there's a bottomless pit trap in this room. I suppose the theory is that you just fall through the hole and into the wheels.


There's another one of these jackasses in the car, too. He's not guarding anything either, he's just there to be a pain in your ass.


On to the third car!


Third car, same as the second. Still not awful, though. The ship and the train are the best parts of the game so far, in the same way that not having to go to work is the best part of having the flu.


One of the compartments contains...a garage door opener? What the fuck is this thing?


Ah, yes. An x-ray camera. Now Snake can look at ladies' underpants.


This replaces having to punch all the walls to find the weak spots. I guess that's convenient? Or something?


Do these guards look like hippies to anyone else?


John's supposed to be in this car, but we can't open the other door. I guess we're just hoping that the next card is on the train?

Honestly, having keycards to your base on your munitions ship and transport train makes even less sense than having them lying around in empty rooms.


Oh cool, more grater-floors. Guess what? You're taking damage here, too.


A guard who would be a real problem if he were looking at the entrance to the car instead of staring out the window.


the train stops.

We also get some really useful information from this POW.


Oh, and the next card actually is just sitting on the floor of the fourth car. I guess the enemy can't afford two locking systems, so they use the same one everywhere.

I don't think the enemy group have been named, either, by the way.


In the last room of the train, Snake finds an enemy officer. I didn't forget to equip truth gas for this, either. He just has nothing to say.


This is the room that must have John in it. Either that, or we were lied to again.


Oh, hey John. Couldn't come up with "untie me"?


These chucklefucks did manage to protect the hostage somewhat. Pit traps open a lot faster in this game than they did in Metal Gear, so they're a credible threat as opposed to something you can escape with minimal effort.

Once I reload and go around the trap, this is what John has to say:


you got so far. Now, prepare to die!

So yeah, John is an impostor. After we were told to be careful and then John lied about traps, who wasn't expecting this?

Boss fight against fake John!

Not-John attacks by laying claymore mines, just like the enemies from earlier. Claymore mines attack in a spreading wedge pattern. The way to fight back against the impostor is to hang back against the wall and dump R/C missiles at him. Don't steer the missiles, though, because there's not enough room to move around and you'll just end up getting hit. In between missiles, eat a ration if your health is low.

"Shoot him until he dies while healing yourself periodically." That's what the strategy is. If you're lucky, you won't run out of rations. Dump enough missiles into his face and the impostor dies without saying another word.



He does, however, leave behind a powered armor. It is a weird sort of gauntlet thing that does...something? Maybe the manual can help with this.


Well, now we can push rocks and shit around, I guess. That has to be the least exciting application of power armor I've ever heard.


We killed the impostor just in time for the train to arrive at its destination!


What exciting new surroundings await us?


Oh, it's just another boring shit-coloured field. I hope the enemy didn't pay too much for this hole.


And Nick calls...the operation is a "go"? That's great I guess.

Next time on Snake's Revenge: some real stupid shit!